I was born prematurely in a third world country in the 70's.  My mother wanted desperately to nurse me but by the time I was out of the incubators, it was too late.  A pump was not an option then.

Fast forward twelve years.  When I was in middle school I had a rude awakening.  Two girls and I who lived in the same building were playing outdoors when suddenly one of the girls broke down and started crying.  The other girl went running to her rescue, hugging her and asking her in the sweetest voice if she was okay.  Meanwhile I stood there dumbfounded, emotionless.  I had no idea what to do.  I had no idea how to go about comforting someone, let alone someone I barely knew.  And I didn't understand why I didn't feel anything.  I realized then that there was something wrong with me.  That perhaps I was broken.  These feelings continued through high school and college.  Whenever friends hugged each other during a greeting or after a long separation, I was hardly ever included.  I probably sent out a "don't touch me, I bite" vibe.

Research has show that children who receive affection during the ages of birth to three years are more gregarious, more in tune with their feelings, less stressed and simply more well rounded.  There are various studies done on this subject; you don't have to take my word for it.  Here is a book that is easy to read and easy to access.

When BG was born she got jaundice while we were still in the hospital.  She had to go undergo bili light treatment for 72 hours.  During that time I noticed that the medical staff always did everything they could to give the babies and the parents as much contact as possible.  The incubators and bili machines both had holes in them so you could stick you hands inside to touch the babies.  Mothers of said babies were always encouraged to nurse as long as they wanted and were given as much privacy as that crowded room would allow.

It has been a long road for me.  God has put some amazing people in my life that have helped to pull me out of my shell; my husband to name one, my really gregarious friend Trim among others.  I am in my thirties and I believe I am finally able to love affectionately.  I do still get stuck sometimes, but everyday is easier. 

As a mom who wants my kids to have what I didn't, I have vowed to give them boundless love and affection.  I gave my babies as much skin-to-skin contact as possible when they were born.  I hug and kiss them every chance I get.  Hubs and I constantly tell them we love them, just for no reason.  Sometimes, after the work day is done, and we're just hanging out at home, Hubs and I love to just grab the kids when they're not paying attention to hug and kiss them.  They are still little enough that they don't fight too much or too often.  I know this helps them as much as it helps me.

When Hubs and I hug at home, if BG is around, she will run over to us to be included in the hug.  Buddy is not quite old enough to care, but I know he's paying close attention.  What cracks me up is that when our dog sees us hugging, he tries to get between us so he can get a piece of the action.  Isn't that funny how the dog wants that attention too?

They say love is the thread that binds.  I believe that wholeheartedly.

My wish is that all these hugs and kisses that we bestow on our kids now will serve them well and they will in turn learn to love others.  When my daughter is confronted with a child who needs comfort, I want her to be the one at that child's side, hugging and cooing well wishes.


"Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."  (1 John 3:18)

This post is made possible by the The Parent Bloggers Network in partnership with LHIFE. 

To view other posts on the same topic or to share your love story, please go here.