Recently, I had to go into the Dr. for a routine check-up.  While I waited for them to "see" me, I picked up the handiest magazine that was nearby.  It was Parenting, Early Years, the February Issue.  On the cover it said:  Mad at your man? 1000 moms tell all!

"Life for women may be better in many ways than it's ever been, but we're far from whistling show tunes. According to Parenting's nationally representative survey of more than 1,000 mothers on MomConnection, an online panel of moms, the majority of us confess to feeling anger at surprising levels. We love our husbands -- but we're mad that we spend more mental energy on the details of parenting. We're mad that having children has turned our lives upside down much more than theirs. We're mad that these guys, who can manage businesses or keep track of thousands of pieces of sports trivia, can be clueless when it comes to what our kids are eating and what supplies they need for school. And more than anything else, we're mad that they get more time to themselves than we do."  (Quote from here).

After reading a few short paragraphs, I was surprised at how much it echoed my feelings.  Yep.  There it is, I admit it.  I get mad at Hubs because of all the reasons mentioned above.  But for me it's more than that; it's also stress from my job, from the finances (or lack thereof), and stress from daily living.  But if you read the article, you'll be amazed at how many women struggle with the same things.

And it makes me wonder, has it always been like this?  And if not, why is it like this now?  There was a silly movie (Blast From the Past) several years back about a man (Brendan Fraser) who had been kept in an underground cellar during his lifetime and was finally released into the world to find a girl.  His parents lived a model 50/60's lifestyle, replete with the hair styles and clothing.  The movie itself was funny but the underlying issues were that the mom was a closet alcoholic (on cooking sherry no less) and the father was a typical chauvinist (played by one of my favorite actors, Christopher Walken).  Not to overly analyze this movie, but it made me wonder how true this story really is/was?  How many moms in the 50's were overdosing on cooking wines and cigarettes to relieve their stress?  Were their stresses the same as ours only they couldn't talk about them the way we can?


Or can we?  Do we talk about them?  The article suggested that we don't.  That we pretend it's not an issue.  We joke about it and make light of the issue, but we never discuss it truthfully.  And to be honest, I've never actually discussed my "issues" with my husband.

So, the worse part of all of this is that "they (the men)" don't know how we feel!

"46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Those with kids younger than 1 are even more likely to be mad that often (54 percent). About half of the moms describe their anger as intense but passing; 1 in 10 say it's 'deep and long-lasting.'"  (Quote from here).

I've read that anger can kill you.  According to authors Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray, it can also kill your marriage; hard and fast.  On a day when I was feeling excessively overwhelmed, I voiced some of my concerns to a good friend.  She recommended that I read The Walk Out Woman.  Despite what the title suggests, this book is actually a Christian-based book written with the intention of keeping you from walking out.  The back says, "before you think of walking out... [read this book]."

It is very insightful.  I haven't finished reading it but just the beginning helped me put things into perspective.  At the beginning of the book, the authors list some symptoms.  The more symptoms you genuinely check off the more in danger you are of walking away.  The recommendation for that situation is to get help, now!  The authors have some great suggesting on how to save your marriage and your family.  It is a wonderful resource.

Here's the list (if you're interested):

Irritation with your husband over trivial matters Feeling bored, or craving something new and exciting A strong desire to escape and get away from it all Loss of energy; feeling tired and worn out Acting moody and withdrawn around home Complaining that your husband spends too much time working or watching television Wanting to begin a career, change jobs, go to school, or move into a new house Feeling that most conversations with your husband are shallow, angry, or empty Loss of sexual desire for your husband or feeling that he has lost his desire for you Desire to change your image (trendy clothes, changes in hair color, weight loss, breast augmentation or other cosmetic surgery)

Discovering new friends and avoiding old friends [with spiritual values] General dissatisfaction with and growing resentment  towards your husband Feeling misunderstood and lonely Feeling drawn to men who show any form of attention Imagining what it would be like if you were not married Tempted to addictive behavior (alcohol, drugs, excessive spending, overeating, overexercising, Internet chat rooms, gambling, etc) Sadness about unfulfilled dreams, goals, and expectations Feelings distant from God and bored or dissatisfied with church Being nicer, kinder, and more patient to others than to your husband Spontaneous tearfulness for no apparent reason

Count the ones you checked off. 
If you checked 1-6, your marriage risk is probably Mild to moderate - be careful.
7 - 12 Serious - need to make some changes.
13 - 30  Severe - get help now!


As a working mom, I can strongly relate with all of the feelings that were discussed in this article and on this list!  I work a six hour day, then I come home and my work day isn't over.  I feed the kids, I put them to bed, I do the laundry, I wash the dishes, I feed the dog...  and when I'm finally done, I get a few hours to myself; usually after 9pm when I should be sleeping!  And then the next day starts over again and ends in the same way.

I did the stay-at-home mom thing... but I wasn't good at it.  It was hard work.  Being a stay-at-home mom is not sitting around eating bon-bons all day and baking cookies.  It's all about teaching the kids what they need to learn to be out in the world.  Keeping them entertained while teaching them valuable lessons; all the while losing ourselves in the process.  Because after being with small children all day who has energy to do anything else?  I certainly didn't.

I chose to go back to work for the social aspect of it.  So that I could be around other grown-ups who hopefully speak in full sentences and decent English.  People who can talk about intellectual things other than Dr. Seuss and Noggin.

Yet, that's certainly not what happened.  My job is stressful; I have responsibilities, deadlines, people who depend on me.  I don't get to take a break for lunch to just sit and chat because I'm a Non-Exempt Employee.  If I don't work, I don't get paid; simple as that.  And since I work a shorter day than my co-workers and because I have to pick up kids from daycare at the end of my workday, I don't get to go on a spur of the moment "Happy Hour" outing.

No matter how you slice it, I don't think today's moms got a very good deal.  Yes, there is women's lib. and we can vote for anyone about any issues.  Yes, we can be fire fighters, astronauts, and world champions.  But, we are also expected, by society and by our own standards, to be everything else too; to make sure the house is clean, the kids are clean, the dog is fed, the bills are paid, etc, etc...  In between, we are supposed to remain sane enough to live another day to give our children the opportunities we missed out on at their age.

You tell me if that's not a messed up way to live?!

"We know we didn't marry buffoons.  We married smart men who can fix cars and garbage disposals, men who empty mousetraps without getting the heebie-jeebies, men who can keep track of their fantasy football trades.  So, why can't they remember to put kids in coats and mittens before sending them off to school?  Why do they give the baby a bottle right before we come home, all bursting and ready to nurse?"  (Quote from here).

Don't get me wrong... Hubs does help out when he can.  Seriously, he puts the kids to bed when he comes home early enough, he's been known to make me dinner and to wash the dishes.  I depend on him for all sorts of things.  I have called him many times at work and asked him to stop by the store to buy this and that so I don't have to haul two kids to the grocery store during rush hour traffic.  And he has obliged, even though that is the last thing anyone wants to do at the end of a long work day.

But, I still get upset when he doesn't know what to prepare in the morning for the kids to go to daycare.  Even though it's the same things everyday.  Even though I've posted what needs to go in who's bag on the door by day of the week; Show-n-Tell on Thursday, Movie on Friday, practice sheets and recyclables on Tuesdays, clean sheet and blanket on Mondays.  Although after reading this material, I try to be angry less.

I've been mulling over all this information for several weeks now and the conclusion I've come to is that it's a societal malfunction! 
Reading this article and this book, I was genuinely shocked by the shear numbers of women who share my feelings.  I was shocked to realize that these issues run deep.  Deeper than just relational issues or parental issues... It's not just a handful of women who married the wrong guy or married too young, or had kids too late or too early.  It's so much more than that!

I realized that something has to change... in our society.  These stresses are not healthy, for anyone.. not for the parents and certainly not for the kids.

It is a lose-lose situation and it is a sad one.  1000 angry women and counting is not a feel-good story.  It is a telling story of something, or many somethings, gone horrible wrong.  Moms are angry, Dads are oblivious and the kids are caught in between.  Everyone is doing the best they can with their respective unique abilities.  So, why is it not enough?!  And how do we fix it?!

I would love to hear your views on this issue.  What have your experiences been?  Are you experiencing any of this now?  Do you know anyone who is?  What have you done or what do you plan to do about it?!  Do you think it's only affecting Americans or is this a worldwide issue?

THIS week's theme/prompt is:

HEADS - "Case"